Image processed in LR4 with Alice in Wonderland preset and in Photoshop with "Alice" texture from the Flypaper Metallic Set.
I was waiting for our eggs to cook this morning (add lots of milk to your scrambled eggs and they are light and fluffy) while reading Beryl's post "I'm not good enough" mommy mindset" and it really struck a cord with me.
I have see the looks stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms, and work-outside-of-home moms give each other. We have heard all sides argued. Stay-at-home moms sacrifice everything to take care of their kids. Working moms sacrifice everything to support their family and make sure food is on the table. Stay-at-home moms realize work will still be there when their kids get older. Working moms have worked hard for their position and they love it and realize it could be gone if they take time off. Stay-at-home moms are putting themselves in danger because if something happened to their spouse they couldn't support their kids. Working moms might miss their baby's first steps. Stay-at-home moms are clingy and too protective and often get burned out and their kids turn out to be "strange". Working moms put their jobs in front of their families and their kids become wild. Stay-at-home moms have extra time to cuddle and play with their kids. Working moms realize time is short and spend every free minute they have with their kids, being their loving moms and not their (sometimes terribly, horribly, grouchy) teachers.
If you are a parent you have heard all of the arguments. I know I have. It makes your head spin and second-guess everything you do as a mother and a woman because you know deep in your heart there is no right or wrong way, just the "best-for-your-family" way.
I am a stay-at-home, work-at-home, homeschooling mom and I have to tell you that I have just as much "mommy-guilt" as any full-time working mom. I made the decision that was right for our family, but sometimes I regret it because I can't blame anyone else (like the schools) if my children don't turn out as I hope. Friends and relatives that have not been completely supportive of my homeschooling the boys will go "Told you so. Your kids are losers and it is all your fault because you didn't do a good job teaching them." I know they really wouldn't say that to my face, but I can predict them thinking it.
Ultimately a child's education/moral compass rests on the parents whether you stay-at-home, work, homeschool, public school, etc. But there are days I sit on the couch staring into space while the boys are wrestling at my feet and wonder if I am doing at least a "good enough" job.
"Mommy-guilt" is a part of being a mom and no matter what paths you take to raise your children you will never feel 100% sure that you are doing the right thing. You can argue environment versus genetics and try different methods of raising/schooling your child, but life unfortunately does not guarantee you a wonderful adult child.
I read this great little e-book about anxiety and it stressed that really all you can control is your perception of your life and your decisions. And once you make a decision the results of that decision is beyond your control.
As a self-proclaimed control-freak that is a scary thought, but it has helped me realize that I have the power to decide whether I am happy, and I will make decisions on raising my boys with my best intentions. I just have to have faith that things will work out and be flexible enough to make changes when it doesn't. And be comfortable with the fact that I probably won't ever be a Super Mom, but I will do my best to be a Good Mom. :-)
Do you ever struggle with your decisions on raising your kids?
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